Homer Simpson
Age: 36 (most of the time)
Relation: Abe Simpson's son.
Occupation: Safety Inspector, SNPP
Quote: "Hey, wait a minute. Just because I'm wearing a pink shirt, it doesn't mean I'm some kind of a...pink donut eater."

Bart Simpson
Age: 10
Relation: Abe Simpson's grandson
Occupation: Student/Troublemaker
Quote: "Once you hit the big one-o, it's all downhill from there. You're legs start to go...candy doesn't taste as good anymore."

Lisa Simpson
Age: 8
Relation: Abe Simpson's granddaughter
Occupation: Student/Scholar
Quote: "In fact, in Rand McNally they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.

Hans Moleman
Age: 31
Relation: None. He just looks for people who's lives are more miserable than his.
Occupation: Varies.
Quote: "You took 4 minutes of my life and I want hem back. Oh, I only would have wasted them anyway."

Herman
Age: Unknown
Relation: None. Delivers military antiques to Abe Simpson.
Occupation: Owns Herman's Military Antiques.
Quote: "Can I interest you in some authentic Nazi underpants?"

GOD
Age: Infinite
Relation: The Holy Father.
Occupation: God. Visits the retirement castle often to "bring them home."
Quote: "Now, if you'll exuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico."