Here is a collection of sounds from all your favorite people at the Springfield Retirement Castle. But that's not all, there are even some sounds here from visitors, such as Hans Moleman. Enjoy!
note: all files are zipped wavs
|Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
|I'm itchy! I got ants in my pants! I'm discombabulated! Give me a calmative!
|Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch.
|Abe sings Old MacDonald with a swing beat.
|Homer and Abe talking about "playing it cool."
|I've coughed up scarier things than that.
|That's your daddy.
|Abe's "Death" speech.
|My story starts back in 19-dikkity-2. We had to say dikkity 'cause the Kaiser stole our word twenty. I chased after him, but gave up after dikkity-6 miles.
|Oh, no! We're all doomed!
|Hello, beautiful. Woman: In your dreams. Abe: We'll see about that! (snores)
|My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is NOT a porn star.
|Dr. Hibbert: Looks likes someone tried to eat him. Abe: What are ya looking at me fer? You're all crazzyy...(teeth fall out onto arm)...Here's what I think happened...(runs away)
|He's evil! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil!
|I fell 8000 feet onto a pile of jagged rocks. But people were tougher in those days. I was jitterbugging that very night!
|I'm president of the Gay an Lesbian Alliance, for some reason.
|I never thought I could shoot shoot down a german plane, but I was wrong.
|Gimme gimme gimme!
|Just a quick game of hackysaaaaack!
|Abe talking about the Hellfish.
|Let's go. If I'm not back at the home by nine, they declare me legally dead and collect my insurance.
|You remind me of a poem I can't remeber, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been too. Mrs. Bovier:That's so sweet. Abe: Ooooo, I feel all funny. I'm in love! No, wait, it's a stroke.
|The metric system is the tool of the devil!
|Marge: Where'd you get all the money? Abe: The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss one payment, I raise hell!
|Were you sent here by the devil? Lanley: No, good sir, I'm on the level.
|Don't go up that mountain. You'll die, just like I did. Homer: You? Did?
|Nuts to you.
|Everybody want something for nothing. I'm old, gimme gimme gimme!
|I'm an old man. I hate everthing but Matlock. Oooo, it's on now!
|Now if you'll exuse me, I'm going to the outhouse. Lisa: We don't have an outhouse. Homer: MY TOOLSHED!
|They say a man's greatest tragedy is to outlive his own son. I've never fully understood that. Frankly, I could see an upside to it!
|I'll save Homer. All I needs is four stout men to work the bellows.
|I had seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeex!
|Dr Nick: ...where the skeleton trys to leap out the mouth and escape the body. Abe: Now yer talkin'!
|Lisa: The next time we fall asleep, we could die. Abe: Eh, welcome to my world. (snores)
|I'm the one who cancelled Star Trek!
|One trick is to tell the stories that don't go anywhere...(tells stories)
|Homer was never stubborn. He instantly folded over everything. It was if he had no will of his own, isn't that right Homer? Homer: Yes, dad.
|Quick, we have to kill the boy! Marge: How did you know he was a vampire? Abe: He's a vampire? Ahhhhhhh!
|Wait a minute!
|Homer: worse still, that treacherous skunk Abe Simpson stole my oxygen and tried to eat my left arm. Ewwwww, dad. Tell my beloved wife my last thoughts were of her, blinding and torturing Abe Simpson.
|Homer: C'mon dad, let's get out here. Abe: What's your hurry? Homer: This place is depressing. Abe: Hey! I live here! Homer: Oh, I'm sure it's a blast once you get used to it.
|Homer:Hey, keep it down out here! (splash) Abe: heh heh heh, got him. (laughing in background) Homer: You! The tall, gray-haired kid, get your butt down here right now! (more splashes)
|Bart: Ain't been popular since odd-6 dagnabit! Homer: Bart, what have I told you? Bart: No talking like a grizzed 1890s prospector, consarnit.
|Bart: I'm here to see grampa. (doors open) Secretary: Half the people here are named grampa. Bart: Well, Grampa Simpson then. (groans, doors shut) Sec.: 2nd floor, 3rd dank room on the left.
|Lisa: Why don't you go see Grampa? Bart: What can he do? Lisa: He'll give you good advice. He's the toughest Simpson alive. Bart: Really? Lisa: Yeah. Remember the fight he put up when we put him in the home?